holytaxaccountant

My search continues. Part instinct, part hope. At times I think I am near, so near, but then that hope wafts away like smoke.

I am well and unharmed. Occasionally I must move quickly to avoid those who wish to harm me, but I think they are not hunting me with much enthusiasm. They have come to realize I will fight back without compunction.

Here is a story. Three nights ago I was in a city. It was hot enough for steam to rise from the streets. I watched tired workers go home to their families, and the night workers leave for their jobs. I saw a new mother sing to her baby on a fire escape. I couldn't see the stars because of the city lights. It didn't matter. The moon was still there, and looked enormous in the sky, as if I could touch it from a rooftop.

(I have been there. It is silent and cold.)

It was all very beautiful. I was reminded again why I am doing this, why I am here, why I am fighting.


Dean, I miss you and would like to see you soon.

So here is an account of mine.

Mostly, I listen and I watch. I spend hours with mystics and madmen, in churches and soup kitchens. I walk through crowded streets, or I sit and watch the crowds, holding the amulet and hoping beyond hope it will flare with heat at any random passer-by.

I am accustomed to watching. I am practiced at listening.

Wherever there may have been a miracle, I go. Whenever there has been a whisper of holiness, I go. Wherever there is a reputation for magic, I go.

And all the while, I miss Dean. I am homesick and I miss the ones I used to consider friends, but most of all, I miss Dean.

(Do you search for me, brothers? Do you hunt me like you do the Winchesters? What will you do if I find Father first?)

Where are you?

This method of communication is frustrating and slow.

If I don't hear from you soon I'll go to Bobby's.


Also, I miss you. I would like to hang out again as we did last time.

I have a quest.

I am going to find my Father.




[Private Entry]
I must also admit that I receive some pleasure from wearing a piece of Dean's jewelry that he has worn since he was a child.

[Private Entry]

Dear Jimmy,

There isn't time for me to explain or delete or filter. Something may happen to me. If it does, trust the Winchesters. They will take care of you.

I pray you safe passage. I don't know if I'll be allowed to return.

And please, if he'll let you, look after Dean.

Castiel

Happy birthday, Dean. I hope you had plenty of pie and cheeseburgers.

[Filtered to Dean]

This is filtered to you. It has been a long time since I could access a computer. I hope we will have the chance to speak soon. I miss you and hope you are well.

[Private Entry]

Dear Jimmy,

I have lied to Dean and Sam to get their help. I do not like this. But it was necessary, and I will explain later. I hope they will understand.

Alastair is near. I can smell him in the air. He has hidden himself so well, though, it's like chasing vapors.

Sam and Dean must help. They must.

Sleep well,

Castiel

[Private Entry]

Dear Jimmy,

All of humanity--all of it--has less importance to me now than one man.

Sleep well,

Castiel