(no subject)

[holytaxaccountant]

[Filtered to Anna]

Anna. You have said you are here if I need to talk. This is what I need to say.

I love Dean Winchester. Not just as my charge, not just as a child of our Father, but as one man to another. And now I have disappointed him and he will not forgive me.

I know that you and he had sex. It pains me to know this. However, I also know that sex is what happens when mortals desire comfort, and the longer we wear a mortal body the easier it is to feel and need and ache like they do. And Dean is . . . Dean. Unlike any other.

Now I am afraid that when he needs my help, Dean will not listen. And when I need him, he will not respond.

That is all I need to say.

Comments

[mindsownplace.livejournal.com]

Oh, Castiel.

I am sorry, if I had known you and he...no, I will not lie. Dean and I comforted each other, nothing more. And I would not have denied myself that connection, that closeness as a human, just as I would not have denied Dean the comfort he craved.

My brother, what you do is dangerous. You cannot be seen to have any more attachment to Dean.

How did you disappoint him?

[jnovak.livejournal.com]

I did not defend him from Uriel when we came to get you. I believe he interprets this as rejection, and I can't make him understand the depth of our duty or the will that compels us to obey.

I know. I know. If our brothers knew what we have been doing, how much I need him . . . they must not know.

[mindsownplace.livejournal.com]

They will not know from me, Castiel, you have my word.

I tried to explain to him - to everyone - that what you did should in no way be blamed upon you. Do you want me to talk to him again? Perhaps...perhaps if you compared our duty to that of him to his father?

[jnovak.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Anna.

Those with the luxury of free will cannot understand what it means not to have it. No, do not talk with him. Once Dean has decided something there is no convincing him otherwise.

[mindsownplace.livejournal.com]

You are welcome.

Very well. I have not given up.

Tell me, how long have you been...intimate with Dean? I'm curious.

[jnovak.livejournal.com]

Since March of this year. It feels like it's been all of my existence.

[mindsownplace.livejournal.com]

I don't know what I can say to make you feel better, brother.

I will try and reach you soon.

[jnovak.livejournal.com]

There is nothing to say, by anyone.

Be careful, Anna.